FAT

So the other part of my blog name is the topic for today's discussion.

FAT. Three letters soooo many emotions.

As a child and teenager I let this word define so much about me. I let it make me feel as if I were less of a person because this word could describe me. Any time it was mentioned I cringed, even if the verbal barb was not aimed in my direction. I hid behind my fat, let it be my excuse for not having very many friends and wearing clothes that did not look good on me. I let my true self be buried under the pounds and put on a fake self who just tried desperately to keep my few friends because surely I wasn't worthy of them because I was (am) fat. To top it off, I had horrible acne. I was not a pretty girl.

Then one day, I determined that I wasn't going to let this word define me any more. It might still describe me but I would no longer let people take aim at me with it, I would wear this word with pride (okay, maybe not pride but not utter shame either). What, you ask, made me come to this conclusion. I will tell you. Camryn Manheim, star of tv's the practice, won an emmy in the late 90's, and she stood on that stage with her award held high and yelled, "This one's for the fat girls." I promise you, I have never been more proud, nor have I cried more for someone I didn't even know. So I googled her, or some late 90's equivalent, and discovered that she was writing a book. "Wake up, I'm fat!" was about her struggle with this word and being an overweight actress. This book, I tell you, changed my life.

I had already determined that fat was something I would always be, I should just get used to it. Weight is something I had struggled with since about the age of 3. I was a chubby child, a portly elementary schooler, and a fat pre-adolescent. At 15 I went on a drastic diet, slim fast, and excercised at least 5 days a week. For all this work I got down to a size 16 and that was as far as I could go. Of course my mother wouldn't let me take Phen-fen so that was it. I was stuck. So I'm always gonna be fat. And I'm ok with it. Fat is a regular part of my vocabulary now, whereas before, I wouldn't use it to describe anything, pigs, cows, or other people. Now I know a word is a word and that is all.

You may wonder why I'm fat. Well, simply, I like to eat and don't like to exercise. Which I am doing now, my husband and I take our babies for a mile walk every morning (babies in the stroller of course). I would lke to be slim enough to buy old navy clothes in the store and not online,but my main goal is to just be healthier. I also have poly cystic ovarian syndrome. Which there is some debate as to whether women are fat because they have PCOS or if they have PCOS because they are fat. It's an endocrine disorder that wreaks all sorts of havoc to your body.

I'm sure I'll post more on this topic, but now baby girl is having trouble sleeping. Cutting molars is not fun, and we're at memaw and pepaw's (in-law's) house so routine has been thrown out the window. My dear hubby has run to wal-mart for tylenol and benadryl, pain and a runny nose are killer!